just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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