if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
