I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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