I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
