I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
