so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
