I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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