He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
