hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
