I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
