Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
