Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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