I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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