he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
