took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
