This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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