okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sober January is a disaster.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
