Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
