if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
