Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
