No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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