i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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