One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
