i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
