Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
