She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
