so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
