I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
