I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
