um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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