I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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