She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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