Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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