she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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