Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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