so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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