the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
