i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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