he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
