During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
