Where did you get a picture of my penis
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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