Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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