there's paper in my vomit.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
