you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
