the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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