at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
