I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
