I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
