so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
