Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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