he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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